Fullness vs wholeness

Can you be full without being whole?

Can you be whole without being full?

Well, I could start this post by saying it's been a minute but that would be a gross under-estimation of the length of time that has passed since my last post. To be a little more finicky, it's been 1,051,244 minutes and some change... that's a little over 2 years. 

2 years of surviving a pandemic and all the life changes and introspection that came with this unprecedented moment in the history of humanity. Through it all, I've grown in my ability to extend grace to myself as well as to the people around me. 

I've found contentment in being average; not a high-flyer, not a dead-weight. Just a girl doing her average best some days. 

Some days I think I crushed it at this parenting gig, some days the tantrums would suggest that I've failed as a mother. Most days though? I'm just an average good mom and that's ok with my kids and with me. 

My acceptance of the average has given me the grace to enjoy the extraordinary as well as the mundane

• a family Christmas in Hawaii
• the gentle spirit of my son
• the beautiful, strong women my daughters are becoming
• the tranquility of my fully-remote job
• the school choice we get from our new neighborhood

How are you doing these first few days of 2023?

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1 Timothy 6:6-8 "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that."

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RIGHT NOW

Furiously playing through the Disney Dreamlight Valley game; a few minutes every night.

 Barely 2 weeks in and 2021 already feels like it's been a long year and a half. This feeling is especially intensified if like me, you're hooked on the 24 hour new and drama cycle that is the current state of politics and society in the USA. 

With the fallout of the 2020 US election that was won by Joe Biden and Kamala Harris,  one thing that's playing out on the world stage is the incumbent president's inability to lose with grace. Watching the ugliness and pettiness that has emanated from this once-esteemed office has emphasized to me the importance of losing with grace. 

What is defeat (losing) and why does it hurt so much? 

Defeat against a real or imagined opponent strikes at our core and sometimes that core is 100% pride and 0% self awareness. If we lose perspective in moments of loss, we magnify the loss into being a statement of our value and worth as human beings. In the myriad of emotions that follow a loss, wounded pride is one emotion that can emerge the strongest and most harmful. The loss becomes not just a statement of our efforts being second to someone else's first, but a big blow to our pride. And unhealthy pride always demands to be salvaged and avenged. 

The vengeance that a hurt pride demands can lash out blindly and with dire consequences. In the case of the US elections, we see a society badly hurt, behavior norms shattered, lives lost and souls disillusioned all because one person refused to lose an election with grace. To me, it was a scary sight to behold and my heart broke a little more for the picture of the United States that was put on display. This moment shall pass, but the scars will remain. Scars inflicted by a prideful man who refused to lose with grace. 

Coming closer to home, how many scars do we leave on our children, partners and loved ones when we are unable to be graceful in defeat or loss? How do we manage the blows that come our way when in victory, we inevitable damage the pride of the person we vanquished and they lash out in our direction?

I've spent this last week pondering the choices that I make in victory and defeat and I hope you do the same. 

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Ecclesiastes 9:11 Again I looked throughout the earth and saw that the swiftest person does not always win the race, nor the strongest man the battle, and that wise men are often poor, and skillful men are not necessarily famous; but it is all by chance, by happening to be at the right place at the right time. (Living Bible Translation)

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RIGHT NOW

This was the best thing I watched on the Capitol Hill terrorist attack

 So I turned 44 this week. In spite of the fact that my kids spent the 2 weeks leading up to my birthday telling me EXACTLY how old I was going to be, it still feels surreal to type that out. I am officially 44 years old. There's a part of me that doesn't believe it! 

My body and mind are definitely aging at different paces. Physically, my hair started turning grey when I was 27 years old and never stopped. I currently have the salt and pepper hair of a fifty something year old. On the other hand, I think a part of my mind is still at early twenties me. That's the part of me that still wants to wear jeans everywhere, shop at the Gap, read the same books by the same authors, rebel against authority figures like they're my school teachers and gets giddy when I'm outside the house after sunset. 

Yes, my body and mind are definitely aging at their own individual pace and I cherish it. I've given myself the grace to age at my own pace. I don't have to do the "adult" thing that's befitting of my age. Giving myself this grace means I can continue to dress as a teenager instead of a grown-ass middle aged woman. And that's ok, those clothes bring me comfort. It means I can play hours of the same video games as my ten year old twins. And that's ok, it helps me connect more with my kids. It means that I still refuse to eat a plethora of vegetable because... "Yucky". And that's ok, it helps me understand my 3 year old picky eater even more. 

Giving myself the grace to be "immature" in certain areas of life has blessed me in unexpected ways. 

What about you? Do you ever feel the pressure to "act your age"? If yes, I invite you to try the alternative option of embracing your spirit at whatever age it wants to be. 

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Isaiah 46:4 "I will be your God throughout your lifetime- until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you."

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RIGHT NOW

Reading my gift from my first daughter: The Book of Lost Names (affiliate link) by Kristin Harmel

On the one hand, the 1st of January is just another day. On the other hand, it’s a symbolic transition point in time; signifying the end of one year and the beginning of another year. If like me you enjoy the symbolism of a New Year, then you’ll be celebrating today. After the brutal year that was 2020, I'm sure I'm not the only one embracing the hope of 2021 with open arms and a lifted sprit. Happy New Year new friends!

This New Year, I am embracing the grace to start all over again. Grace to restart my journey as a writer by starting yet another blog. Grace to recommit to my kids and renew my burnt-out mother’s heart. Grace to restart my work on getting a healthier body. Grace to be a better steward of the resources God has blessed me with. 

Stewardship for me means to take care of that which God has entrusted me with.